Recently, our daughter (17 in June) told my wife and me that she has started dating not 1, but 2 guys. No introductions needed since we already know them; they’ve been close friends of hers for quite some time now. Daughter put it as: why do I have to choose if I like them both and they don’t mind sharing?
I just don’t like it.
Which crystal told you they are poor decisions?
Other reader chiming in: I wonder if there is any study out there that has assessed success rates of polyamorous and monogamous relationships.
How would you define “success”? 50% of marriages end, there are less people getting married and they are doing so later in life. I can’t remember the numbers but it wouldn’t surprise me if the majority of people who did marry had at least one partner beforehand. Did the end of the previous relationships mean they were “unsuccessful” at relationships?
Also, would how the relationship ended be taken into account? A relationship ending because “you cheated on me you bitch” with an ensuing shouting match is probably very different a mutual breakup due to distance, time, or other factors.
Additionally, it would require defining “relationship”. There are people who serially monogamous and have many short-lived flings are those “relationships”?
And happiness is important too. There are people who are in the same relationship for decades but deeply unhappy with their partner but can’t leave.
I fear for how any such would be misrepresented in the media. “Study with one-dimensional definition of success says monogamy better than polyamory”. “Study with 1000 couples in a university of which 10 were poly says polyamory is a failure”.
The problem with the statistic you cited is that it counts second, third, etc marriages as well. Second marriages are more likely to fail as it is clear people who have already had a divorce are just bad at being married. Which is proof in itself that changing partners isn’t good.
By that logic, a spousal abuse victim is much better off staying with the abuser because “changing partners isn’t good”.
Man I have never felt more out of touch than reading this thread.
Those poor boys have feelings, they really like this girl, and instead of being upfront with her feelings with them she’s going to take advantage of both of them and their inexperience to force them into such a damaging and toxic relationship.
It is so fucking hard being in love with your best friend at that age and not wanting to lose the friendship and blaming yourself for your own feelings for the fact that this unhealthy non monogamous relationship is destroying them on the inside but they still care about the person who’s taking advantage of them.
Do we just not care about what’s going to happen to these young men’s hearts when all the jealousy and resentment comes to roost?
Or do we not think about it?
Not believe it’ll happen because we insist this is actually a healthy dynamic?
There’s nothing wrong with being poly and going out into the poly community to find a relationship where consent is understood.
It’s another thing to convince your two closest friends to become poly as minors in maybe their first relationships.
Do they really understand and consent to a thruple, or do they just have feelings for their friend and are told this is how they can shoot their shot?
What is the thought process on being unable to see the “poor decision”? It seems so obvious. Am I just old and brainwashed by society? This seems wrong in this specific situation. This seems like it will end in pain and heartbreak and the daughter is being selfish and uncaring towards her friends feelings and needs to understand that.
If she’s poly that’s okay, but this doesn’t seem like the cleanest most consenting poly couple here. This seems like a bunch of kids being idiots about their first attempts at love who could use some gentle guidance on how to treat people in a relationship.
I think you’re making a whole lot of assumptions here regarding arrangements between 3 people you have never met and weren’t privy to.