Recently, our daughter (17 in June) told my wife and me that she has started dating not 1, but 2 guys. No introductions needed since we already know them; they’ve been close friends of hers for quite some time now. Daughter put it as: why do I have to choose if I like them both and they don’t mind sharing?
I just don’t like it.
Nah i get it. If she was a full adult and poly relationships work for her, then great. But she’s 17. 17 year olds are absolute fucking idiots, especially 17 year old boys. I give it a 100% chance that this poly relationship crashes and burns and fails dramatically. I mean 99.9999% of normal monogamous teenage relationships end in dramatic failure. Imagine what this one will do :+).
I obviously don’t know these people but I wouldn’t be surprised if one or both weren’t 100% on board, but think it’s worth it to date her. If that’s true, it’ll explode sooner or later. If they’re all completely content, then fuck it. Weirder situations have happened.
If I were op I’d probably ask if she’s sure they are cool with it and not hoping for monogamy later down the road to save her the pain of losing one or more close friends, but teenage boys aren’t exactly known for expressing their feelings.
Is it a polyamorous relationship? They didn’t say the guys had anything to do with each other, and doesn’t polymory involve everyone involved being, like, in a relationship all together?
Dating multiple people are the same time is just… dating, isn’t it? Hell, I’m older now, and married, but through my 20s, everyone was dating everyone, basically. Yes, occasionally there were times when a state of exclusivity was assumed by ask parties, but most of the time it was just a free-for-all. Hang out occasionally, maybe hook up; isn’t that dating?
I’m not very knowledgeable about polyamory, so it’s an honest question.
Poly can be any relationship structure besides monogamy. The three can all be in it together or they can both be seeing the same person but not be involved otherwise. As long as everyone knows about each other.
Is it poly if two are identical twins who secretly take turns and the third thinks they’re with one person?
I saw it in a movie:
The Prestige
It is 100% a poly relationship. She literally said the guys don’t mind sharing. Doesn’t matter if all 3 of them are together at once. She is still in an open poly relationship. That’s very clear.
No, it most definitely isn’t. That’s the least common and likely form.
It can work if they want it to, I’ve been in a poly relationship with both of my highschool sweethearts for 20 years now.
You’re the exception to the rule.
I don’t feel very exceptional, folks with polyamorous attachment styles are a lot less uncommon than most people think.
Okay but regardless of relationship style preferences, carrying over high school relationships far into adulthood is extremely rare. I only know 1 or 2 that married their high school sweatheart. It’s rare in modern times and I don’t think you can argue in good faith that it’s not.
That’s the thing, it might be rare but it’s still common enough that it’s existence isn’t really exceptional.
Trans people aren’t the norm, but any “normal” group of 200 people has 3 trans folks in it.
Likewise, most people aren’t polyamorous and few polyamorous relationships are stable on the timescale of decades, but there are enough people that the statistical likelihood of a 50-year-old polycule existing approaches 100%.
I don’t understand what you’re arguing here. Rare does not mean “never.” It means rare. In an infinite universe even a 0.00000000000000000001% chance of life still means it will occur an infinite number of times.
If you were to bet money on the chance that OP’s daughter is still with both those partners at age 35, would you bet on it? I sure as hell wouldn’t. I don’t like losing money. 1-2% odds are pretty fucking terrible (using your 3 in 200 example.)
My point is that it really isn’t rare enough for an example to be exceptional.
The lottery’s odds might be hundreds of thousands or even millions to one, but someone is still going to win it. What would be exceptional would be a year when nobody wins a the lottery.
1-2% odds are a lot higher than lottery odds. If someone offered me anything close to 50-1 on that bet then I’d absolutely take it.
Again, WHAT ARE YOU ACTUALLY ARGUING HERE? Seems like you’re arguing for the sake of arguing. What even is your point? Rare is rare. You’re just splitting hairs here between what’s exceptionally rare and what is more common but still rare, both of which have absolutely nothing to do with ehat I was saying. I refuse yo waste my time on this any further. Have a good day.
You don’t need to tell us you fixed spelling
Weird comment on your part but I’ll explain. Think of it this way:
If you see someone edited a comment, that means that comment could have literally said anything before the edit. Explaining what the edit was helps give an assurance that it didn’t say something wildly different prior to the edit.
I.e. i could have said something positive and gotten upvotes, but then edited it to say “OP’s daughter is a whore.” That’s a mean and ridiculous comment but it would have looked like people upvoted it (at least until it gets downvoted.)
I am familiar with this anachronistic practice, however it’s never actually been helpful, unless you decide to trust a person you already started to distrust because they basically wrote at the end “trust me bro”. We can let that one go.
Your responses are extremely strange and the downvotes you are receiving reflect that.
Cool. Enjoy your 2004 reddit practice… ?
Reddit wasn’t launched till 2005 ;)
lol alright
Hold on, isn’t your perspective self defeating? The obvious reality of this relationship is that it is experimental in nature. If they’re informed of that going in then making mistakes is the best thing they could all be doing right now at this age where there are still fail-safes. Is it weird insofar as not being a norm that op is used to? Absolutely. Is it good for all of them to get this out of their systems and/or learn what their relationship types and preferences are? Also absolutely. Teenagers are gonna fool around. It’s what they do. The easiest thing for you to do is put aside your differences and respect their autonomy so that they can make their own mistakes while you still have THEIR respect.
Hope this helps, op. Being a parent will never be easy.
I have no idea what you mean by my comment being self defeating.
I’m not saying OP should tell his daughter tlnot to do this. I’m merely stating that it’s almost guaranteed that it’s going to end in broken hearts and tears, for at least 1 of the members. L, given that they’re 17 and most normal relationships at that age fail (which is part of the learning experience yes.)